You Change Your Mind, Like A Girl Changes Clothes
by Werehoturnot
Summary: In this short story, you get a look inside Lizzy's journal. Her romance with the one and only, Will Darcy. Her embarrassing moments, and her life, rolled into one. Modern P&P.
1. Chapter 1

September 4, 2008

4:08 p.m.

Mood: Embarrassed

Music: Dark Blue- Jacks Mannequin

Today was the first day of my Junior year in High School. And I have decided I can never go back.

EVER!!

Im going to have to run away to Mexico and change my name to Rosa.

Why you ask?

This morning I was running late. So, I decided to jump a fence, that lead straight to the back door.

I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. I never do well in panic mode.

Unfortunately, then, I didn't know that people inside the building could see me from there first hour Spanish class.

So, I get a running start and try to do a clean jump over the fence. Just like in the Sandlot, when he's running away from that dog. Anyways, in mid jump, my foot gets caught on top of the fence and I land right on my ass.

I swear I wanted to cry. It hurt so bad. Then I whip my head around to see if anyone saw that embarrassing fall.

The first group who saw me fall: A group of annoying little freshman. But I just gave them the death glare and they ran off.

The second group who saw me fall: A group of faculty members who didn't even CHECK IF I WAS OKAY! I could've broken a femur! I should report those assholes, you know they were just outside smoking.

The third (and most tragic) group who saw me fall: The first hour spanish class full of Seniors!! I swear half of them were crying they were laughing so hard. God, and half of the hot guy population was in that class.

My life is like death!!

So after that, I get up and wipe off my uniform(Yes, we wear uniforms. One of the suckiest things about going to a Catholic school) and limp off.

And yes, I am having to wear an ankle brace to school tomorrow.

Why does this type of shit happen to me? Its like God targets me or something.

I hate my life.

Lizzy

P.S. I forgot to tell you, as I was walking away, I noticed that the fence had a gate!! I didnt even have to jump the fence!!

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September 5, 2008

8:34 p.m.

Mood: The usual...pissed.

Music: Ruby- Kaiser Cheifs

Ugh! This morning I had a run in with Will Darcy. I hate him with a passion. He's a senior, and best friend of my sisters boyfriend, Charlie. So, I see a lot of him. I don't really know why I don't like him. I think he's just so damn cocky that it bugs the shit out of me. But, I will admit he's very sexy and I have had a few fantasies...woah! Cant believe I just admitted that!

"Hey sexy lady." I heard someone say behind me.

Now for a few seconds I thought it was George Wickham, who I happen to have a big crush on. Then I realized it was_ him. _

I turned around. "Hey ugly ass." I said mocking his voice.

"Lizzy, are you ever going to fall for my clever wit and sexy charm?" He asked.

"Clever wit? Sexy charm? I didn't know I could fall for something that didn't exist!"

Zinger!

"Ah," he said putting a hand over his chest, "Im hurt by that!"

"Seriously, what do you need?"

"Jeez, okay! I know you want to get rid of me."

"Well talking to you could ruin my reputation." Ha! He's the captain of the basketball team. Nothing is going to ruin this reputation.

He smiled. "Right, of course, well I was just wondering if you were going to that party tonight?"

"Ugh! Yes, Jane is making me go."

"Oh really? Well I was wondering if we could tag team."

What that really means is, "Charlie and Jane are going to be making out all night long and I need a wing man".

"Darcy, you realize every time we tag team I am the one stuck with them while you go off and have sex with some random girl?" I said crossing my arms.

"I dont have sex with them Lizzy." He said. And he sounded...upset?

"Oookay. Im sorry, you dont have sex with them." I said, trying to make him feel better. But I couldn't boost his confidence to much. "They just give you blow jobs in the back of your car."

He smiled, thank God. I was actually worried there for a second.

"Listen, I wont run off this time. I swear."

"Fine, whatever."

So thats were Im headed. Will and Charlie are going to pick me and Jane up for this damn party.

Kill me.

Lizzy.

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September 5, 2008

12:01 p.m.

Mood: Weirded out?

Music: Middle of Nowhere- Hot Hot Heat

OH. MY. GOD.

Where should I even start with this night??

So Will and Charlie pick us up for this party. To start out the night, on the way out to Will's car, I trip and my heel gets caught in a crack in the cement. It could've been tragic, but luckily my heel didn't break.

After Will got a kick out of that, we had to deal with Jane and Charlie in the back. They have been going out for at least a year but they still act like they've been going out for a week so they need to make-out-every-second-of-every-day.

"Will," I whispered. "Do something!"

"I cant, I think Im going to throw up."

"Be a man you ass!"

"No, you be a man!"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?!"

"Okay! I'll take care of it." He said.

So he slammed on the brakes suddenly and gave me whip flash!! I mean it got Jane and Charlie to stop kissing but really, was that necessary?

"OH MY GOD!! Guys, I have major whip flash." I said whining and rubbing my neck. "Will, stop laughing its not funny." I was dead serious.

"Oh," I think he realized I was serious. "Okay listen where is it?"

"Where Im rubbing my neck you dumbass."

Now here's when things got awkward.

He moved my hand and started rubbing my neck while he used his other hand to drive. I mean what the fuck right? Now, just as I was about to slap his damn hand away, that massage started to feel really good. So I just let him. But he's lucky my neck was in pain or I would've killed him.

"Jesus, that feels good." I said. It's obvious I wasn't in my right mind when I said it.

"Yea, I give good massages, its a gift."

After that awkward scene, we arrived at the party, which was already in full swing.

"Listen, you guys go on in with out us. We'll be in later." Jane said.

"Ummm...okay. Thats really sick! Jane!"

"Lizzy, come on. Use protection you guys!" Will said smiling. He came around the car and pulled me away.

"Thats so wrong! Will! What if he gets my sister pregnant! I dont trust him."

"Lizzy, its not that big of a deal, and you dont trust anybody."

I rolled my eyes, "They're about to have sex in your car...on your upholstery!"

"Oh God, I guess I didn't piece that all together. Im going to have to get the inside cleaned now."

"God, they're so...in love." I said, disgusted. Its not that I don't believe in love. Its just that, I've had bad relationships. And every guy I have ever dated has cheated on me. Okay, so I have only had one boyfriend sophomore year, but still.

"Or they're just horny," Will pointed out.

"You're disgusting."

"Come on Lizzy, we've all done it." Will said, looking over at me.

I guess my face said it all.

"Lizzy! You're a virgin?"

"What? No! I mean, no! Well, technically, yea I guess. But...well Im only seventeen Will! Sorry if we aren't all players like you!" I said storming off.

"Wait Lizzy, Im sorry," he said grabbing my arm, "it's not a big deal." he said looking down at me.

"Wow, my life is like death." I said turning around walking into the party.

How embarrassing is that!! Will Darcy knows that Im a virgin. He probably thinks Im some kind of freaky prude now...which I'm not!!

Right when I walked into the party I looked around for someone I knew, luckily I saw Janice.

"Janice hey!"

But then she threw up all over my shoes. So, I had to rush to the bathroom to clean off my new patent leather peep toe pumps!!

I stuck my head out of the bathroom door to see if the coast was clear. A.K.A to see if Will wasn't there. He wasn't, so I walked outside. I grabbed a drink and mingled a bit. But then, just as I was walking by the pool to get back inside, I lost my balance, and almost fell in the pool, but someone caught me.

Will.

Or at least thats who I thought it was. I was about to kick him for saving me when I was mad at him. But, when I turned around, it wasn't Will. It was George Wickham. The guy I've liked since forever!!

"Hey, you okay?" He asked. His hand was still on my HIP!!

"Oh, yea, just a bit klutzy." I did a nervous laugh.

"You're Lizzy right?"

"Yea,"

"Jane's sister?"

"Yep, thats me."

Then, before I knew it, he asked me inside to talk. And I guess by talk he meant make out.

Because then, he had pushed me up against the wall in dark hallway and started kissing me.

GEORGE WICKAM WAS KISSING ME. Im talking his tongue was in my mouth! Then, I guess I was getting really into it, so he put his hand up my shirt and started feeling me up! And I let him! I enjoyed it, I wont lie! Then, of course, Will had to mess it up!!

So, me and George are making out in the hallway. Im talking his-hand-up-my-shirt-my-bra-undone making out. And I start to hear these voices. Its obviously some couple trying to find a bedroom, but then they bump into us and my elbow just happened to hit the light switch!!

Thats when I see Will with Stacy!

"Oh sorry," Will started but then he noticed it was me. "Lizzy?"

"Uh..." I said trying to re-clasp my bra.

"Oh my God! Lizzy? What are you doing?" He demanded. God! He is so controlling!!

"What does it look like I'm doing dumbass?"

"I mean what are you doing here with _him_?" He said eyeing George like he was the scum of the earth.

"Will! Shut up, and go away!"

"We are leaving," Will said noticing I was still struggling with my bra. "Oh my God, you can just do that in the car!" He said grabbing my hand.

"Hey! What's the deal Will?" George spoke up.

"Hey! The deal is if you ever lay one had on her again I'll beat you to death got it?"

"Will!" God!! He was ruining everything! Do you see why I hate him??

"Why don't you prove it?" George said.

"Why don't you back your ass up?" Will said to George, dragging me out of the hallway.

"Will! What was that all about? God! You're such an idiot! I hate you! That was George fricken Wickam I was making out with back there!"

"Listen," he said dragging me to a corner of the party.

"He's a really bad guy Lizzy, I dont want you getting involved with him."

"God Will," I said still trying to re-clasp my bra.

Damn this bra!!

"Your not my dad okay? I can take care of myself. Screw this!" I said, pulling my bra out from underneath my shirt. "Just hide this in your jacket okay?" I handed him the bra.

"Uh...okay." He took it and hid it in his jacket.

"Well, since you've officially ruined my night, lets go!" I said, walking at a fast pace.

"Lizzy!" he said trying to catch up with me. "Dont be mad at me okay? I just...I know George okay? He's not a good guy. Im serious."

"Well I think thats for me to decide!" I said, throwing open the car door.

He got in the car and sighed. Then he looked over at me, and I looked over at him. "I just dont want you to get hurt."

He said it so sweetly I swear I could've kissed him. We sat there just like that for at least ten minutes before Jane and Charlie slammed there doors.

"What are you to doing?" Charlie asked.

"What?" I said snapping out of my trance.

Will quickly started backing out of the driveway.

"Oookay..." Charlie said, quickly putting on his seatbelt.

Seriously, I don't even know what happened with me and Will tonight. And I don't even know what happened with me and George tonight.

Great.

Lizzy.


	2. Chapter 2

September 7, 2008

1:00 p.m.

Mood: Nervous

Music: Bitter- Teddy Geiger

We have a major problem. My sisters are starting to suspect things. Apparently everyone knows about Will having my bra!! And they all think we had sex!!

Its all around the school. I don't know what Im going to do!!

Obviously, first Im going to kill Will. Then, I guess I'll go from there.

I mean really, what did he charge people a dollar to see my bra?? I mean, it was a really nice one from Victoria Secret...but thats soooooooooooo not the point!!

I cant even believe this is happening to me. I mean George is going to think I slept with Darcy, which I didn't!!

This is such a tragedy!!

This is the worst Sunday of my life!!

And just think, tomorrow Im going to have to go to school.

Lovely...

Lizzy.

September 8, 2008

10:49 p.m.

Mood: Depressed

Music: Shattered- O.A.R.

Well this day was worse than expected.

First, I walk into school and here someone snickering about me falling off that damn fence.

YOU'D THINK THAT'D BE OLD NEWS BY NOW!!

Anyways, I get to my locker and out of no where Will appears.

So, for dramatic effect, I slammed my locker and started walking off! To most people this would mean they don't want to talk to you, they hate your guts, they want to kill you, ect.

But not to Will.

He kept following me!!

"What's the matter?" He asked catching up with me.

I started weaving in and out through the hallway, hoping I would lose him in the crowd.

I didn't.

"Is everything okay?"

Why was he acting like he was actually concerned for my well being??

I walked into the library. Which, obviously, wasn't a good plan because no one is ever in the library and its a very good place for him to corner me in the Sci-Fi section. I quickly grabbed a book and started flipping through the pages, like I was actually needing to read it for a reason.

"So..." He started.

I started whistling, or tried to. It would've worked out well if I could actually whistle.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

GOD! I HATE HIM!

"Im whistling!" I snapped.

"Okay," he said leaning against the bookcase.

"So," I said slamming my book shut, "do you want to tell me why you spread the rumors?"

"What rumors?"

"Don't be a smart ass. You know what you did!"

"Lizzy, calm down. What are you talking about?"

"Im talking about you showing my bra to the world and telling all your buddies that we had sex!"

"Oh my God, Lizzy, I swear I didn't."

"Really? Then who did Will? Because I recall giving that bra to you on Friday. I mean what were you thinking? I thought we were frienemies! Frienemies dont do that to each other!"

"Lizzy! I didn't do it! We are frienemies!"

"Will, you are so full of shit! And to think I thought you were sweet for about two seconds!"

"You thought I was sweet?"

"Yes! But never again will I make that mistake!"

He grabbed me by the shoulders. "Lizzy, I would never do that to you. You have got to believe me."

I looked down at my feet. Okay, this is awkward, I thought, because its going to be really embarrassing if he didn't do it.

"Well," I said looking up, "are you trying to tell me its a God damn coincidence that I tell you Im a _virgin _and a few days later everyone thinks we are having sex?"

"Yes," he said simply.

I walked off.

He had some nerve!!

The whole day I walked through the halls and people would suddenly stop talking when I walked by. Like I didn't notice that they were talking about me!!

Then, finally, the bell rung, and typically, my day got worse.

"Lizzy, can you find a ride home? I have cheer and I didn't even realize until now!" Jane said, out of breath. She had obviously just raced to my locker to tell me this dreadful news!

"Jane! No! How am I supposed to get home?"

"I already talked to Will, he said he'd give you a ride!"

"Oh my God! No! Absolutly not! This is why I need my own damn car."

"Please Lizzy, I know you two are fighting but can you not sit with him for a fifteen minute car ride?"

"No."

"You're so stubborn! I have to go! Just ride with him okay?"

"Im walking!"

"Fine."

"Fine!" I said, stomping off down the hall.

I had walked at least two minutes before Will found me.

"Lizzy! What the fuck? I've been looking for you everywhere!" He was driving along beside me.

"Oh really? Well you found me." I said stepping over a mud hole and picking up the pace.

"Please, get in the car."

"Absolutly not!"

"Im going to drive like this with you the whole way to your house. You might as well just ride with me."

I thought this through. It did have some high points. Like I didn't have to get my new black flats dirty.

"Stop the damn car."

I got in and slammed the door as hard as I could. I tried to yank my seat belt on, but it got stuck. I tried a few more times and it wouldn't budge.

"Screw this!" I yelled, crossing my arms.

He was laughing! I mean dying laughing!!

"What the hell are you laughing at?"

"You should've seen your face. Oh my God. That was hilarious."

"That's it, Im walking." I said putting my hand on the door handle.

"No! I mean no, I...I'll stop okay. We...uh...we really need to talk."

"Really? What ever do you want to talk to me about Fitzwillam?"

"God, don't use my real name."

"Hey, you told me it. It's your own fault."

"I was drunk."

"Thats besides the point."

"Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about the rumors."

"What about them?" I snapped, whipping my head towards them.

"Im sorry. I guess when you were rushing me out of that party, I dropped your bra. I mean, I picked it up as fast as I could. But I guess someone saw and started that whole rumor."

"Oh."

"Yea, I know, really stupid. So I pretty much told every guy in our grade if they kept talking about it I'd punch them. I think it'll definitely be old news by tomorrow." he said smiling over at me.

I know what your thinking. How sweet is that?? I KNOW! But wait, that glorious moment doesn't last long.

"Thanks Will."

"Anytime...you know I love you like my own sister." He said punching me in the arm.

WHAT?? Talk about a blow to the ego. I swear my jaw dropped to the floor!!

He loves me like a sister. Well, Im officially the most repulsive girl in our grade to where even WILL DARCY DOESNT WANT TO HOOK UP WITH ME!

"Gee, thanks."

I thought I was going to cry.

"Anyways, I have your bra in the back seat somewhere." He said, oblivious, reaching one hand in the backseat.

"What? Thats my best bra! It was at least forty five dollars! It makes my boobs look ten times bigger and you stuffed it in your backseat?? What are you thinking??"

"Sorry," he said finally finding it, "here," he said handing it to me.

Then he dropped me off at my house.

I could just feel the _brother sister_ vibe.

Son of a bitch.

Lizzy.

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September 8, 2008

3:09 a.m.

I cant sleep because all that keeps going through my head is: I love you like a sister.

What the fuck??

What is that supposed to mean!?

I dont like him, obviously, I like Gorge. But seriously, I don't want him to like me like his own _sister_!

God! Thats just tragic. I've decided to become a nun because Im completely hideous and no one wants to date me. Its final.

Lizzy.

September 9, 2008

4:58 p.m.

Mood: Joyous

Music: I Decided-Solange

OH. MY. GOD!

This day was FABOULAS!!

I know I don't usually say that, but it was!

Even Will couldn't rain on my parade!

So, after school. Im at my locker, grabbing a few books. Then, when I closed my locker, guess who was standing there?

GEOREGE WICKHAM!!

"Hey Liz," I hate it when people call me Liz, but I wasn't going to correct him, obviously.

"Oh, hey! What's up?" I was really struggling with my books, and he didn't even ask to help me. But I forgave him.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go out this Friday?"

"Oh, well, yea!" I was trying to play it cool, but obviously inside I was screaming!

"Great, I'll pick you up at seven." Then, he just walked off. I was still struggling with my books. But I was still in a daze that George Wickham just asked me out!!

"Hey, Lizzy, you need a ride home?" Will asked me, coming out of no where.

"Oh, yea."

"Great," he said, grabbing my books noticing my struggle, "lets go."

I tried not to think about how he grabbed my books without me even asking him.

I guess its just all that sisterly love he has for me.

Damn.

Wait! I should be rejoicing about how George asked me out!! So exciting. Im going to pick out my outfit right now!

Lizzy.


	3. Chapter 3

September 12, 2008

1:07 a.m.

Mood: Happy!!

Music: The Show-Lenka

So I just got back from my date with GEORGE WICKHAM!!

God, he was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot!

Im talking he came to my house in jeans and a black t-shirt! How hot is that outfit??

But, I felt myself comparing him to Will the entire night! Why is that? I dont like Will...I dont think. I hate him! Or...I think I do. He loves me like a sister anyways, so that wouldn't even work out! But, there's just something about him.

For example, when Will and I have to go out with Charlie and Jane, he would always open the door for me. But George...he opened the door and walked right in. Then, at dinner, he made me pay for my half...which Will never did, even though we weren't on a "date" he'd always pay. Then, at the movies he bought my ticket, and I thought things were looking up. Then, he made me pay for the CONSESSION STAND! Which everyone knows is more expensive. When, we got into the movies he made out with me the whole time. Which wasn't bad, just kinda embarrassing . I mean the theater was crowed.

And thats when I realized it, right in the middle of kissing George, that I like Will Darcy.

I don't know why I never even noticed him before.

So, when George asked me if we could "do this again sometime" I said no. Because I knew the whole night I'd just be comparing him to Will.

And because George is kind of a fucker.

Lizzy.

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September 13, 2008

8:54 p.m.  
Mood: Embarrassed

Music: So What-Pink

So...todays embarrassment included 4 inch heels, thin mint cookies, and a slutty girl scout uniform.

What the hell you ask? Yeah...

Well, today my younger sisters Kitty and Lydia talked me into helping them sell girl scout cookies. I mean who still does Girl Scouts in High School these days?? Little did I know the girl scout "uniforms" included a girl scout outfit (sash and all) that barely covered my ass. And, to top it off we wore 4 inch heels.

So, me, Kitty and Lydia split up in one of those really nice neighborhoods with all the mansions. And everything was going okay, that was until I got to 4562 Oak Road.

I rang the door bell and a forty year old looking guy answered the door.

"Hi! Im selling girl scout cookies, would you like to buy some?" Then, out of nowhere, a crazy, all white(Im pretty sure it was albino) cat jumps out of a tree! It almost landed on my head!! Luckily, I jumped out of the way and started running for my life!I started running down the street and up some random persons lawn in my four inch heels. I swear, Albino Cat was chasing me!! So as Im running up this abnormally huge lawn, I dive in some bushes. Little did I know they were full of thorns!!

After a few minutes, "Uh...Lizzy?"

I let out a blood curtailing scream before turning around and punching the guy in the nose.

It was Will.

I had just run though his lawn, hid in his bushes, and now I probably broke his nose.

"Holy mother fucker!! Oh my God. I think you broke my nose. Oh shit, Its bleeding."

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Im sorry! I was being chased by a crazed albino cat!"

"What?!"

"Dont worry, Im pretty sure I lost it," I said looking behind me, "do you have a first aid kit?"

We walked into his kitchen, where he leaned against the counter.

And, just to let you have a little preview, he was wearing a really hot t-shirt and basketball shorts. I know that sounds pretty plain...but I swear you could those biceps...and they were looking good.

"Where is the first aid kit?"

"Above the sink..."

"Okay," I said grabbing it, "Im going to clean it up."

"Okay, but I don't do well with needles..."

"What the fuck? Im not using a needle, Im using a damn kleenex."

"I was kidding..." he said, looking over at me.

DAMN HIM AND THOSE GREEN EYES!

"Oh," I said smiling.

Now here's one of the many highlights of the day. To clean his nose, I had to stand in front of him. But, because he was leaned against the counter, we were standing really close. And, I was kinda leaning against him.

So. Hot.

"All done," I said smiling at him.

"Cool," he said touching his nose.

"Im pretty sure its not broken."

"I cant believe you punched me!"

"I told you, there was a crazy cat after me!"

"And what's with the outfit?"

"Oh come on, you know this slutty girl scout outfit turns you on."

"Actually," he said. "Its pretty hot, I wont lie!"

"Yea, well I do rock a mean slutty girl scout outfit."

"Thats for sure," he mumbled. But I TOTALLY HEARD HIM!!

"Oh your bleeding," he said pointing at my knee.

"Oh shit," I said.

"Here, I'll clean it."

Then, wait for it, he takes me by the waist and puts me up on the counter. He got a wet paper towel and wiped off all the blood. Then, he got out a band aid and put it on the cut. Which actually really hurt, I just wasn't saying anything.

"So, you have a really nice house." I said, I hate awkward silences.

"Yea, thanks."

"So, what the hell? Do I have to beg for a tour or what?" I said smiling.

"Why of course not Mrs. Bennett," He grabbed both of my hands and I hopped down from the counter.

"This way," he said, letting go of my hands. Damn.

"This is the living room, It's where I watch T.V. and eat dry cereal."

"Then, in this next room we have the Dining Room. I never go in there except for on Thanksgiving."

He continued to give me a tour of the house, things got awkward when we hit his bedroom.

"And, heres the best room in the entire house."

"Hmmm..." I looked around. It was blue with a bunch of basketball posters. A few trophies here and there. Some pictures, and there was always one girl in particular in every picture. She looked like Will but she had lighter hair. He doesn't have a sister right?

"This is exactly how I pictured your room." I said facing him.

"You've been picturing my room?" He said smiling.

"Ha, ha. In your dreams."

"I hope so," he said wagging his eyebrows.

"Who's this girl? In all these pictures? She looks like you."

"Oh, thats my sister."

"You have a sister? Will! Why didn't you tell me? Does she not go to our school?"

"Not anymore, she goes to a boarding school up in Connecticut."

"Oh, why?"

"Its a long story," he said leaning against the door frame. God, has he always looked this hot and I've just never noticed??

"Well," I said sitting on his bed, "Its a good thing I have a lot of time." I patted the spot next to me.

"God, you never give up do you?"

"No."

"Alright," he said sitting down next to me, "Her name is Georgiana, and she's sixteen."

"Go on," I said persistent.

"Well, you see, when she was fourteen, she started going out with George."

"Wickham?"

"Yea, and he said he loved her and all this shit. I mean she was fourteen for God sakes, she didnt know any better. And when she found out that he was dating other girls, she got really depressed. I mean, he had talked her into having sex. It was like really intense. So, she wore all black, and got into some really bad stuff. Thats when they sent her to an all girls boarding school in Connecticut."

"Oh, Jesus, Im sorry," Im really bad in these types of situations. Like, I never know what to say.

"Yea, but she's okay now. Its just every time I see him I want to kill him. Thats why I freaked out when I saw you with him the other day."

"Jeez, good thing I dumped him."

"What?"

"I went on a date with him the other night and it was terrible!" I said laying down.

"Really? I didn't know." He said laying beside me.

"Well, I wasn't going to tell you because of that little freak out, but now I understand why you had it."

"Yea, just don't tell anyone, I mean the only one who knows is Charlie."

"You're secret is safe with me. No worries," I said putting my hand over his.

"Thanks," he said intwining our fingers.

And we just laid there, our hands intertwined. Not saying anything...then, I couldn't help it, but I had to say something about him loving me as a sister. I mean I don't think he does this type of stuff with his sister!

"So...about what you said, the other day, about loving me as a sister."

"Ohhh..."

"Well, what exactly did you mean by that? I mean, you've hooked up with like every girl in school. Am I that hideous?!"

"No, its not that..."

"Then what is it?" I said sitting up. He sat up and put his head in his hands.

"I just said that because your the one girl in school that don't want to hook up with."

"What?!" I said, standing up. "Well, listen here buddy, I don't want to hook up with you either, how do you like that?" Lies, it was all lies! All I wanted to do was jump him!

I walked as fast as I could. Once I reached the front door, and opened it Will was standing there.

"Ummm...what the hell?? How did you get here so fast?"

"I--"

"Oh my God," I said cutting him off, "Are you like...Edward Cullen?" I whispered the last part.

"No, Lizzy," he said, rolling his eyes "I have a back door."

"Oh," damn, I really love Edward Cullen, "In that case." I said, slamming the door and trying to make my way past him. But, he pinned me against the front door.

It was like one of my fantasies.

_Holy shit,_ I thought.

"Lizzy, I said your the one girl I dont want to hook up with, because you mean more to me than just a one night stand. I never just thought of you as a little sister. Not once."

And then he kissed me.

At first I was shocked, but then I kissed him back. And let me tell you, he is a great kisser. I slid my hands up around his neck and ran my hands in his hair. He put his hands on my waist pulling me closer to him. It was so hot. Im not even kidding, it was heated!!

And then he stopped.

"Wait, I—I cant do this." Then, he walked off.

Yes, he walked off!!

What?? Did I bit his lip or something? Oh my God! I knew it! Im a bad kisser!! This is tragic.

I walked down his driveway and walked home. My life is so depressing.

I cant believe I'm that bad of a kisser that he walked off!!

Lizzy.


	4. Chapter 4

September 16, 2008

6:09 p.m.

Mood: Depressed

Music: Dont Know Why-Nora Jones

It's been three days since Will kissed me.

It's been three days since I've talked to Will.

It's been three days since I've even seen Will.

My only question is: Where the fuck is Will?

I swear to God, I've never been so mad in my entire life. First, he says he loves me as a sister. Then he says he doesn't. Then he kisses me, and then walks off. Who the hell does he think he is? I mean, that was the best, most passionate kiss I've ever had in my entire life.

And he's going to try and tell me he didn't feel any thing??

Because I know I did!

It's a saturday night, and Im sitting in my room eating Ben&Jerrys. I have no life.

Oh great, Jane just told me Charlie is coming over. Well thats great for her isn't it?? She has a guy, and I don't!

Well screw her!!

Oh, now she wants me to help her cook for him. I don't think so! I may be a great cook, but that doesn't mean Im going to help. Even though I am kinda hungry...

Be back later!

Lizzy.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

September 16, 2008

9:56 p.m.

Mood: Heartbroken

Music: Ordinary Day- Vanessa Carlton

God!!

So you know how Charlie was supposed to be coming over?

Yea, well Jane forgot to mention that Will was going to be with him.

He had some nerve coming to my house!!

Here I am, pulling the lasagna I made out of the oven. When, out of the corner of my eye I see Will Darcy!!

I guess, that I had my hand on the scalding pan and didn't even notice until about 10 seconds later!

"Shit!" I yelled, closing the oven with my foot, and rushing over to the sink.

"Are you okay?" Jane asked hopping off the counter.

"Do I look okay?" I snapped, tears threatening to spill.

"Here, let me see..." Jane said grabbing my wrist. "Im pretty sure it'll be okay, but you burned it pretty bad."

This all happened because of Will!! There he was, over in the corner of my kitchen, looking alert.

Like he was actually concerned!

"I'll be fine, you guys go ahead and eat. I'll be upstairs." I said, walking past Will, and out of the kitchen.

I went into the bathroom, looking for some gauze. Then, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

"Holy shit," I mumbled to myself.

I had on a pair of old basket ball shorts, with a ratty sweatshirt. My hair was up in a messy bun. Im sure Will was just loving this look!!

Once I finished doctoring my burn, I went into my bedroom and turned the music on as loud as possible. I collapsed on my bed, face first. About three seconds later I heard a knock on the door.

"Fuck off," I yelled, but it was muffled by the pillow I was laying on, and the music.

"Lizzy?" It was Will.

I shot up, and looked around my room. Shit! Three bras, but luckily no underwear.

"Hey, I was um...wondering if I could talk to your for a second." He said awkwardly. He had noticed the bras.

I got up and turned off my music.

"Yeah?" I said, returning back to my bed.

"Hows your hand?"

"Bad."

"Oh, right, well, about the other day..."

"Omigosh," I said, cutting him off. "The other day...hmm...let me think...oh yea! I forgot, thats when you kissed me then walked off with out a word. You didn't even call to try to explain or anything. You know, I think I do recall something along those lines happening! What about you?"

"Im really sorry," he said putting his hands in his pockets.

Must. Not. Get. Distracted. By. Hotness.

"Your sorry? _Sorry_? How about a God damn explanation?"

"I—I just got caught up in the moment okay? I don't really like you like that. I like someone else. It should've never happened. I—I never wanted it to happen. I just want you to pretend it never happened okay?" He said looking at the floor.

I stood up, confused, "You like someone else? You didn't mean for it to happen? What the fuck Will? I hate you! I hate you! You're right, this should've never happened! I cant believe you! You confuse the hell out of me!"

"Lizzy," he said trying to touch my shoulder.

"Dont touch me!" I said, backing up.

"I didnt want this to happen--" he said taking another step forward.

"Dont come near me! Dont touch me! Get the fuck out!" I said yelling. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. And then he walked out. I sat down on the floor, tears falling from my eyes.

"Lizzy?" It was Mary.

"What?"

She came over and sat next to me.

"Everything's going to be okay," she said putting an arm around me.

"Were you in love with him?"

Now, that question surprised me. For over a year, I had hung out with Will Darcy because I thought I had to. Thats when I realized, I didn't spend all those hours with him because he was my "frienenmy". I did it because I was in love with him.

I am in love with Will Darcy...or was.

That's why I always got jealous of all those girls all over him. That's why I would always drive him home when he was drunk. That's why I always cared what he thought. Because I was in love with him.

"Yea, I—I think I was."

I always wondered what it was like to be in love. I guess now I know.

I, also, had always wondered what it was like to have your heart broken.

I guess I know what that feels like too.

Lizzy.


	5. Chapter 5

**2 and a half years later...**

January 12, 2011

7:49 p.m.

WOW!

I just got done re-reading my high school journal. How lame was I??

Well, I might as well keep writing. I mean, I may be a freshman in college, but still.

Seriously, I found this crammed under my bed.

I guess I should catch you all up on what's been going on!

Well, Im at my second semester of NYU. I live in a dorm with my new best friend...Charlotte! She is the best! I mean...she's a slut...but that's okay! There's nothing wrong with a little sex now and then. Not that I'd know. Anyways, she has a new guy every night! Its crazy!

Charlie and Jane? They're still together. I know! Amazing! They both go to college in Boston...but not Harvard! Ha!

I know what you're all thinking...what ever happened to me and Will??

Yea, well, we never talked again. Nope! Not once. He went to prom with Stacy, the biggest slut in school. Then, he graduated and went to some college in Chicago.

About three months after the "incident" (aka when I told him to get the fuck out of my house) I recovered.

But, who knew, that today he was going to pop right back into my life again? And I just happened to find this journal at the same time. Creepy or fate? Im going with creepy.

Well, this journal used to always be about Will Darcy, and it looks like its going to stay that way.

So, here's the story:

"Lizzy, go pick up the Chinese. I just ordered it!" Charlotte said to me.

"You pick it up!"

"Lizzy!" She was putting on her black lacy bra. Why did I not get suspicious then??

"Fine, I could use the fresh air."

I walk outside, and of course it's freezing...and I was wearing flats!! I run a block up to our usual Chinese place.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up an order for Charlotte...or Lizzy...I'm not sure what name its under."

"You sit there. Be ready 5 minutes," a Chinese guy with bifocals told me.

By the time I got back to the dorm, my feet were practically swollen.

I walked into our room and that's when I heard moaning. _What the fuck,_ I thought.

I peeked around the corner and thats when I saw it. Charlotte, leaning against the wall, a guy leaning on top of her. His hands were up her shirt...and her's were down his pants!

"Charlotte...oh God Charlotte..." The guy was saying.

Um...I literally baby barfed.

"What the fuck is going on in here?! Charlotte!" I said dropping the Chinese on the floor. "Who is this sleaze bag? Well, get the hell out of here, and don't let the door hit you on the way out." I said jerking my thumb to the door.

"God Lizzy, you ruin all the fun!" She said pulling down her shirt.

"Are you kidding me? Like I really want see this porno when I walk in my apartment!"

"Whatever..." she mumbled. The guy wasn't turning around. _Oookkkay, freak,_ I thought.

"Listen asshole, if you don't mind...I have some fried rice in there getting cold. And everyone knows I hate cold fried rice, so lets get a move on." He still didn't turn around. "Okay! What the fuck? Are you deaf? I also have egg rolls in there!"

Then, unfortunately, he turned around.

"Will?" I said, my jaw dropping to the floor.

"Hey—hey...uh...how's it going?" He said awkwardly.

"I think you should leave," I said, staring at my feet.

"Okay," he whispered, walking past me.

"What was that all about?" Charlotte asked.

"Nothing," I said making my way to the bathroom.

"Lizzy--"

I cut her off, "It was nothing okay!"

And now Im on the bathroom floor, writing this journal.

I didn't even get an egg roll.

Lizzy.

January 12, 2011

8:56 a.m.

Okay, so here's the deal. Will transferred from Chicago to come to NYU. And, he lives on the same floor as me. Yes...I know what your thinking...my life is like death. Don't I know it!

Anyways, Charlotte met him two days ago downstairs when she was trying to carry groceries up, but she couldn't get them all. So, Will offered her a hand.

"He was just so sweet. He was all 'you need a hand with those?' And I was all 'thanks so much.'"

Anyone else feel like barfing??

Then last night she PLANNED that whole Chinese run to get me out of the dorm!! Can you believe that?

"I thought it would be quick...but he's just so...I don't know how to describe him." she said sighing.

"Thats disgusting," I said, making a gagging noise.

"Oh God," she said rolling her eyes.

So now every time I go out of my dorm room, I have to peek through the keyhole...wait for anyone to pass. Then, I open my door, look both ways, and finally I can leave. Pretty well thought out if you ask me!

But, unfortunately, that didn't work to well.

Yes, you all knew it was coming. I did the plan, opened my door, and just as I locked it, Will stepped out of his dorm room.

I panicked. What should I do? Should I run? Should I just stand here like an idiot?

Then, he saw me.

"Hey, wait up."

"Uh...well...actually..." but, he had already walked over.

"So, about last night--"

"Don't worry about it," I said cutting him off.

"I am worried about it. You know, we never really got a chance to...talk after that whole thing in high school."

_And why is that?? _I thought.

"Yea," I said.

"Do you want to grab some breakfast? I mean, I was just going to pick some up." He said, smiling.

Damn those dimples!!

"Sure," I said, I had already eaten, but ladies, he was wearing the hottest jeans, and the hottest jacket.

Im not immune to that kind of hotness!!

He decided to go to the dining hall. Which was random because I hardly ever go there. I always order and pick up.

We sat down at a table in the back of the cafeteria.

Awkward silence. "Sooo..." I said, playing with my straw.

"You know besides Charlie you were my best friend," he blurted out. Then, wait for it, he turned red! How cute is that?

"Yea, besides Jane, you were mine too."

"I'm sorry, about high school."

"I am too," I stared down at the table, "you never talked to me after that."

"I know."

"Well, how come?"

"I thought you were eternally mad at me," he said smiling.

"I thought I was too."

"But seriously, about last night, I had no clue you were her roommate. I would have never done that if I would've known."

"Well I was considering scratching my eyes out because of how disgusted I was!"

"God, Im so fricken embarrassed," he said putting his head in his hands.

"So," I said wanting to change the subject, "what are your classes?"

He handed me his schedule. We had one class together, physiology. I can't believe I never noticed him. Well, it is a huge classroom.

"Yea, we've been in school for like 8 days, and I think Im failing."

"Well, it's a good thing you have me then!"

"Huh?"

"I'll tutor you! Duh! It'll be fun, I'll come by your room around eight." I said, grabbing my purse and standing up.

"Okay, hey Lizzy?"

"Yea?" I said turning around.

"I—I'm really glad I transferred."

"Me too," I said smiling.

"And, Im really glad that you aren't eternally mad at me."

"It's been two and half years Will. It's practically forgotten." Sort of.

"Okay, good."

Oh boy...

Lizzy.

January 12, 2011

3:45 p.m.

"Lizzy! What? Why didn't you call me last night?!" Jane said screaming into the phone.

"It wasn't that big of a deal," I said walking back to my room from my last class. I had just told Jane about Will.

"Not that big of a deal? Lizzy! He completely ditched you in high school! That's not something you just forget!"

"Jane, it was two and half years ago. I cant just hold a grudge forever."

"Fine, do whatever you want. Hold on, Charlie wants to talk to you."

"Oh my God! Has he heard the whole conversation? Jane--"

"Hello? Lizzy?" Charlie said, obviously eating. You could hear him smacking through the phone.

"Hey Charlie," I said fumbling with my keys.

"I really meant to tell you about Will. I just didn't know how."

"It's fine," I said throwing all my books on the floor and collapsing in my bed.

"Okay, are you sure? I didn't even tell Jane, because we know how she gets all motherly."

"Yea, I know. I gotta go. Say by to Jane for me." I hung up the phone and rolled over on my stomach.

The truth: I'm anything but over the thing in high school. And I really know how to hold a grudge. But, he's just so...hot! And god, I am falling right back in the palm of his hand. This is terrible. Should I cancel our tutoring session? Maybe I should. I dont know, maybe it wasnt a good idea. Then again, maybe it was?

Ugh!!

Lizzy.


	6. Chapter 6

January 12, 2011

9:49 p.m.

Okay...so I just got back from tutoring Will. It was...interesting? It felt just like old times kind of...I'll just tell you the story and you'll see why.

"Why did you take this class anyways?" I asked banging my head against his wall. He was laying on the bed and I was sitting against his wall.

"I don't even know!"

"Well, it's okay, I'll just help you until you get it. No problem."

"You're a lifesaver. Seriously, I need so much help in this class."

Then, there was a knock at the door. "Willy! Let me in!"

Will jerked his head towards the door. "Holy shit!"

"Who is it?" I asked, trying not to act nosey.

"Shit, shit! It's Caroline Bingly,"

"Willy, I know your in there!"

"Uh...coming." He said jumping off his bed. "Just hide in the closet, I'll get rid of her."

"No—Will—I," But he had already pushed me in his closet.

I heard him open the door, "Caroline, what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? I came to see you obviously." She walked in the room and sat on his bed. I could see all this from the small crack in the closet.

"Listen, I'm kind of in the middle of something here," he looked so annoyed I felt sorry for him. And me, being me, formulated a genius plan.

"In the middle of what?"

"Will? Have you seen my bra? I think I left it here last week." I said coming out of the closet. Will's eyes almost popped out of his head. Caroline looked like her jaw would hit the floor.

"Uh...I...uh..." he stammered. Ugh! Men, you have to do everything.

"It wasn't in the closet. Oh well," I said coming over and kissing him on the cheek, "oh I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Im Caroline Bingly...who are you?" She said, standing up.

"Will," I said swatting him on the arm, "thanks so much for the introduction. I'm Elizabeth Bennet, Will's girlfriend."

"Yea," Will said finally catching on. "And we were kind of in the middle of something, so see you around?"

"Um...sure." Caroline said, her face turning red.

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" I said sweetly, she sneered over in my direction and slammed the door.

"I know, I know, that plan was genius. I expect praise." I said smiling.

"Thank you so much!" He said hugging me, "you don't even know how much I hate her."

"Well she's obviously oblivious to it. I felt kind of bad, she looked really crushed."

"I don't even care, she's been trying to get me to ask her out since 8th grade."

"So, that was Charlie's sister," I said gathering up my stuff, "she's nothing like him."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, I guess we can just plan another tutoring thing. Just find me or something." I said walking towards the door.

"Alright, sounds good."

"Later boyfriend," I said winking before I closed the door.

Lizzy

January 14, 2011

4:09 a.m.

God, tonight Charlotte dragged me off to some frat party. She always does this, we have fun getting ready, then she ditches me at the party right when she sees a cute guy! Lame, I know.

"Lizzy, it seriously looks amazing on you!"

"I don't know," she was trying to get me in some super tight mini skirt with a super tight shirt.

"Lizzy, you look hot."

"I don't think I can breath!"

By the time we got there the party was in full swing, and in less than five minutes Charlotte found a hot guy.

"I'll be right back," she yelled in my ear. The music was so loud I could barely hear her.

"Sure you will," I mumbled to myself.

I walked over to the keg, and grabbed a cup.

"Fill it up," I said holding the cup out to the guy on keg duty.

I turned around and out of no where Stacy Cornwell got right in my face. She thinks I stole her boyfriend, Gerry, at the beginning of freshman year. He never told me he had a girlfriend.

"Hey there, Lizzy," she said with one hand on her hip.

"Hey there, Stacy," I tried moving around her.

"So, steal any boyfriends lately?"

"Get another boob job lately?"

"Please, just cause you have non existent boobs, don't take it out on other people."

"Wow, that was a good one." I said pushing past her.

"Gerry told me you were a lame hook up," she yelled across the room.

I turned around, "Excuse me you--" but I was cut off.

"Whoever said that is crazy," Will said, appearing out of no where. God, he's so hot. He was just sanding there with his hands in his pockets. "I know for a fact that Lizzy here is not a lame hook up."

"Who the hell are you?" She said, a little intimidated.

"Will Darcy, who the hell are you?"

"Stacy Cornwall," she said.

"Yea, I don't think I've ever heard of you." The whole crowd that had assembled laughed.

"Lizzy," he said taking my hand and leading me out of the party.

We walked outside. He started walking ahead of me, putting his hands back in his pockets.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going? I cant believe you did that! I had absolutely everything under control!"

"I'm sure you did," he said still walking. I caught up to him so I was at his same pace.

"Why are you always trying to save me?"

"I'm not!"

"Sure you aren't," I looked over at him, he looked stiff and he still had his hands in his pockets.

"God, what's your problem? Relax, why are you all uptight? Why do you still have your hands in your pockets and stuff."

He stopped walking. "Because I'm trying really hard not to kiss you."

I stopped breathing. "Excuse me?"

"Lizzy, God! You—you--you just—don't get it!" He started walking again.

"What the hell? Get what?" I said, matching his pace.

"You go walking around looking all—all hot! And I just—I have to try really hard not to—just forget it."

"You think I look hot?"

"Yes! This is almost as bad as when you went around in that slutty girl scout outfit!"

"You remember that?"

"Of course I remember it," He said looking over at me.

"Well, what are you trying to say?" I asked.

"I'm trying to say," he stopped walking, "that I should've never left you on the doorstep in high school."

"What? Then why did you?"

"Because, God, Lizzy! When I kissed you, I just—lets just say I wanted to do a lot more to you than just kiss you."

"I thought you liked someone else?" I said, a little pissed off.

"No! I've liked you since I met you! Then after a while I fell in love with you and that scared the shit out of me! So I had to say I liked someone else because Im a fucking coward! And I purposely went to another school so I wouldn't have to see you ever again! I thought I would just forget about you, but I couldn't. So I just started hooking up with a lot of people, thinking I would definitely forget about you that way. But, every girl I've ever kissed or hooked up with doesn't measure up to that one kiss on my doorstep! That's just fucked up! Then, I realized I had to be with you. So, I transferred here, and of course I get here and cant even tell you how I really feel until now! I should've never even let you go. For the past two and a half years your the only thing I ever think about, because I'm in fucking love with you. Always have been, always will be." He stopped. A little out of breath.

Then I kissed him. This was even better than the kiss on his doorstep. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. I reached up and touched his face, my hands getting lost in his hair. His hand was wandering down the outside of my thigh, gripping it hard. My hands grabbed his hair tighter. We stopped for air, both of us panting.

"Oh, my God," I said.

"Yea," he said.

"I'm in love with you too," looking up at him, "always have been, always will be."

Then we kissed, and kissed, and kissed, and kissed. And eventually made it to the bedroom...and we all know what happened next.

I know, I know...HOLY SHIT!!

Thats exactly what I was thinking. This was seriously, the best night of my life.

Anyway, I'm officially done ranting about Will in my journal. I don't really have anything to rant about anymore.

Oh God, he's waking up. He told me to stop writing about him in my journal.

Finally my luck's changing.

Lizzy.


End file.
